So I lied

I'm up.

I'm awake.

And there's nothing I can do about it at the moment.

Wretched insomnia is back. *sigh*

So, I offer you a poem:

This poem actually works a little better if you read it out loud. Imagine you’re a beat poet, and really into the imagery you’re creating. Let it sink into your soul, and then let it spin out into the room like ribbons dancing on the wind.

Free Form

I'm fading
And shading
The lines,
Too fine.

Need to breathe
And not to bleed,
Swim in the sea salt,
Finding almost no fault.

Beneath the lairs,
I'm hearing
The sky clearing
As crystal bells ring
In the air.

Send the phoenix
Back to the ashes
In rapid flashes.
Pain from flame licks,
And I can't stop this
Burning inside
Yearning to surface.

Lies unwinding,
Spiral through the deep;
The alluring relief
Breeds stars shining
In the mind, aligning,
Drawing me closer
To celestial sleep.

~ 04/08/03 ~


Celestial sleep. Wow, that'd be great. I should try that, huh?

I don't understand this. I went home. I got sleep. I ate healthy food, and plenty of it. I took a break from work and school and every other form of stress in my life. Granted, it was only for a day or so, but it was down-time, and it SHOULD HAVE BLOODY WELL MADE A DIFFERENCE!

Okay, I guess I shouldn't complain. It did help me get over the worst of my cold. Thanks, Father, for that small grace. I just wish my brain would shut off for a little while so the rest of me can.

It's a really bad, but easily identifiable pattern, once I'm actually into the insomnia cycle. I can't for the life of me figure out what puts me here in the first place. But once I'm here, I stay up, and I finish everything I need to finish, and then I'm not tired, and hours pass, and then a few more. "I still have enough time to get eight hours of sleep."
"Now I have six and a half. Six and a half is plenty. I'll be fine. But I'm not tired." "Still not tired. Okay, I'll check my email and maybe even update my website." "Wow, there's a lot more work to do on my website than I realized." "AIM - anybody on? Hey, I updated my website!" "Holy crap, five and a half hours of sleep if I go to bed now without a shower." "But I should shower, so that mean four hours of sleep. Four is good. I've done it before. Heck! I've done it all week! And I'm still trucking along, right?"

"Right?"

*SIGH* Did I mention it's a very predictable pattern? Lord, what am I going to do about this?

You know, UPN airs MASH from 3 to 4 am every weekday? Well, except it only aired one episode tonight. Not sure why. Enh. But that really was an incredible show. So witty and challenging and always fresh.

I think, after watching several of the more successful sitcoms, that what killed Aaron Sorkin's "Sports Night" in the end was not lack of quality in plot or writing, since it was really the most snappy writing and addictive plot. In the end, I think what did it was the lack of a laugh track. Except, it wasn't really the lack, but the inconsistency regarding one. When the series began, the first episode had a strong, ever-present laugh track. It made up for the rough spots in the writing. It trained the audience to respond to Sorkin's writing, and like with any other sitcom, it made the audience at home feel like it was part of the studio audience - created a community sensibility, so to speak. And that is the purpose of a laugh track. It's why they were created. Even when you have a "live studio audience," the laughs are edited according to the show's needs. What happened, though, as the show progressed, starting with the second or third episode, actually, was that the creators couldn't seem to make up their minds as to whether the show was supposed to be a comedy or a drama, and therefore couldn't decided whether or not to use a laugh track. The heavier plot elements wer always, always lightened with comedy, but even the live studio audience didn't seem all that sure of when they were supposed to laugh. Most of the time, the funniest jokes went by without a peep. It took me awhile to realize this, since I was always guffawing enormously and couldn't have heard the pathetic audience chuckles if I'd tried. The hardest-hitting dramatic moments seemed to confuse the audience, and I'm sure this didn't help the ratings people figure out what they could do to make the show more popular.

The failure of any TV show seems like it should be a lot more complicated than this. So they didn't have prescribed laughs. So what? But the fact is, if the audience at home doesn't feel drawn into the show, doesn't receive the validation that comes from community laughter, the confusion and unsettled feeling transfers over to the show itself. It wasn't about content; it was about execution. While almost EVERY element of that show was, to my mind, PERFECT, it was just this ONE point.

I can't believe I just spent that much time and that many brain cells on a topic that holds no interest for anyone but me.

But that's what happens when you're awake at 5 am, have to be up at 10:20 am, and have no sleep in sight.

Also, it snowed on Monday. It SNOWED. What's up with that? It was 80 degrees not two weeks ago, and now there's snow on the ground.

Oh, and I've roped myself into a nice project at work. I think my grammar geek has a cleaning geek cousin or something. And Cleaning Geek must have a painful implement similar to Grammar Geek's steel toothpick. Why else would I volunteer to work over the summer and clean out all of the theatre supply closets, reorganize them, label the shelves, and then restock? I think they're paying me. I think. I hope?

Since when did I care about money so much? What's going on there?

Oh, great. The 5 am news is on. OOH! And Star Trek: Voyager!!! Say goodbye to sleep, kid! Even if you wanted to, your TV addiction will prevent it.

*sigh* I'm at least going to stop typing now. Anyone who's still reading this, you need to find something more interesting, really. :-\


I think that should do it for purging from now until finals are over. But who knows?